Funny
250+ Epic Savage Roasts – Hilarious Comebacks to Leave a Mark
Classic savage roasts
- “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
- “You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.”
- “I’m not saying I hate you, but I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone.”
- “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
- “Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.”
- “You have something on your chin… no, the third one down.”
- “I’m jealous of all the people who haven’t met you.”
- “Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, you only gargled.”
- “I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.”
- “You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.”
- “You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.'”
- “If I threw a stick, you’d leave, right?”
- “You’re proof that even evolution can go in reverse.”
- “You have the perfect face… for radio.”
- “I’d challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you’re unarmed.”
- “You’re impossible to underestimate.”
- “You’re as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
- “I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”
- “Isn’t there a speed bump you can go play in traffic with?”
- “I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and still come up with better conversation.”
- “I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.”
- “I’m not insulting you; I’m describing you.”
- “Your only chance of getting laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s butt and wait.”
- “You have an entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?”
- “If I had a dollar for every smart thing you said, I’d be broke.”
- “You’re about as useful as a knitted condom.”
- “You’re like a reverse King Midas. Everything you touch turns into garbage.”
- “You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.”
- “I’m trying to see things from your perspective, but I can’t get my head that far up your butt.”
- “You have delusions of adequacy.”
- “You’re like a candle in the wind: utterly useless in a storm.”
- “You’re the reason we can’t have nice things.”
- “Your brain’s so small, if a thought crossed it, it would get lost.”
- “If I wanted to hear from an idiot, I’d watch reality TV.”
- “Don’t worry, the first 40 years of childhood are always the hardest.”
- “I could agree with you, but then we’d both be idiots.”
- “You have the charisma of a damp rag.”
- “If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.”
- “You’ll never be the man your mom is.”
- “I don’t know what your problem is, but I bet it’s hard to pronounce.”
- “I’ve seen paper towels that absorb more than you.”
- “You’re as sharp as a marble.”
- “You’re not ugly; you’re just aesthetically challenged.”
- “You bring everyone so much joy—when you leave.”
- “You’re like a slinky: not really good for much, but it’s fun to push you down the stairs.”
- “You’re the human equivalent of a participation trophy.”
- “Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.”
- “I would ask how old you are, but I know you can’t count that high.”
- “You’re not an idiot, but you sure act like one.”
- “You’re like a car crash: People can’t help but look at the mess.”
- “I’m glad you’re not self-conscious about your looks. Someone should be.”
- “You’re the reason nobody likes Mondays.”
- “If you were any more inbred, you’d be a sandwich.”
- “Your family tree must be a cactus because everyone in it is a prick.”
- “It’s scary to think people like you are allowed to vote.”
- “You’re like a software bug. Annoying, but easy to fix.”
- “You’re a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.”
- “You’re the reason shampoo bottles have instructions.”
- “I’d agree with you, but that would make both of us wrong.”
- “You’re as bright as a black hole and twice as dense.”
Best 100 savage roasts
- “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
- “You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.”
- “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
- “I’m not saying I hate you, but I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone.”
- “Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled.”
- “Your secrets are safe with me. I never even listen.”
- “I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.”
- “You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.”
- “I’d challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you’re unarmed.”
- “If I wanted to hear from an idiot, I’d watch reality TV.”
- “You have something on your chin… no, the third one down.”
- “You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.'”
- “If I threw a stick, you’d leave, right?”
- “I’m jealous of all the people who haven’t met you.”
- “You’re proof that even evolution can go in reverse.”
- “You have the perfect face… for radio.”
- “I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.”
- “You’re impossible to underestimate.”
- “I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”
- “You’re the reason we can’t have nice things.”
- “You’re the human version of a participation trophy.”
- “If I had a dollar for every smart thing you say, I’d be broke.”
- “You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
- “If I threw a stick, you’d chase it, wouldn’t you?”
- “You have delusions of adequacy.”
- “You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.”
- “I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and still come up with a better conversation.”
- “You have an entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?”
- “I’m trying to see things from your perspective, but I can’t get my head that far up your butt.”
- “You’re as sharp as a marble.”
- “You’re the reason we can’t have nice things.”
- “You’re the reason shampoo bottles have instructions.”
- “You’re the human equivalent of a Monday.”
- “I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
- “I envy people who haven’t met you.”
- “You are proof that even God makes mistakes sometimes.”
- “You’re the reason why they put instructions on shampoo bottles.”
- “You have the charm of a soggy toast.”
- “You’re not ugly; you’re just easy to overlook.”
- “You have the personality of a damp sponge.”
- “It’s scary to think people like you are allowed to vote.”
- “You’re like a car crash—everyone slows down to look but wishes they hadn’t.”
- “You’re as useful as a knitted condom.”
- “I’d call you a tool, but that’s an insult to useful tools.”
- “I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are.”
- “You’re the kind of person that makes happy hour start earlier.”
- “Your gene pool could use some chlorine.”
- “You’re like a candle in the wind: utterly useless in a storm.”
- “You’re about as useful as a chocolate teapot.”
- “You’re like a slinky: not really good for much, but fun to push down stairs.”
- “You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
- “You’re not stupid, but you sure act like it sometimes.”
- “If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.”
- “You look like something I drew with my left hand.”
- “I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you never use it.”
- “If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.”
- “Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.”
- “You’ll never be the man your mom is.”
- “You must have been born on a highway, because that’s where most accidents happen.”
- “You’re like a fire alarm—always going off at the worst possible moment.”
- “I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.”
- “You have the IQ of a salad.”
- “I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.”
- “Your family tree must be a cactus because everyone in it is a prick.”
- “You’re the reason birth control exists.”
- “You’re as bright as a black hole and twice as dense.”
- “I don’t know what your problem is, but I bet it’s hard to pronounce.”
- “You’re like a candle in the wind, constantly flickering and never bright.”
- “You have the charisma of a wet mop.”
- “Your only chance of getting laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s butt and wait.”
- “I hope you step on a Lego.”
- “You’re the reason cousins shouldn’t marry.”
- “I’d agree with you, but that would make both of us wrong.”
- “You bring everyone so much joy when you leave.”
- “I’d ask how old you are, but I know you can’t count that high.”
- “Your face makes onions cry.”
- “I’d say you’re funny, but then I’d be lying.”
- “You’re like a hurricane: nobody invites you, but you still cause a mess.”
- “You look like something I’d draw with my left hand.”
- “You’re about as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand.”
- “You remind me of a penny: two-faced and not worth much.”
- “You’re like a broken pencil—completely pointless.”
- “You’re the human equivalent of a headache.”
- “If I had a face like yours, I’d wear a mask.”
- “You’re as pleasant as an ingrown toenail.”
- “You’re like the first slice of bread—everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.”
- “If I threw a stick, would you leave?”
- “Your personality is like a dull knife—useless and irritating.”
- “You’re like a history book—outdated and full of useless facts.”
- “You have the energy of a dead battery.”
- “You must have been born on a highway, because that’s where most accidents happen.”
- “You’re the human version of a participation trophy.”
- “You’re the kind of person who claps when the plane lands.”
- “You’re like a light bulb—bright but easy to break.”
- “You’re like a square peg in a round hole: you just don’t fit anywhere.”
- “You’re about as bright as a broken lightbulb.”
- “You’re the reason we have warning labels.”
- “You bring everyone so much joy when you shut up.”
- “I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing as you’ve never used it.”
- “You’re like a pizza cutter: all edge, no point.”
Top 10 most savage roasts lists
- “I’m not saying I hate you, but I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone.”
- This roast is as cold as it gets, making it a top-tier savage comeback.
- “You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.”
- A subtle way of saying someone is better in their absence.
- “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
- This roast paints a vivid and savage picture.
- “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
- A classic that hits hard with sarcasm and wit.
- “Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.”
- Perfect for roasting someone who loves to talk but never makes sense.
- “I’d challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you’re unarmed.”
- This roast is as clever as it is savage, questioning the other person’s intelligence.
- “If I threw a stick, you’d leave, right?”
- Short, simple, and effective, making it a quick-fire roast.
- “You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.’”
- A modern twist, roasting someone who’s as unwelcome as an untimely update.
- “You have something on your chin… no, the third one down.”
- A personal, biting roast aimed at someone’s appearance.
- “You’re proof that even evolution can go in reverse.”
- A savage roast questioning someone’s intelligence in the harshest way.
Savage roasts comebacks
- “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
- “I’m not saying I hate you, but I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone.”
- “You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
- “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
- “Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled.”
- “I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.”
- “You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.”
- “If I wanted to hear from an idiot, I’d watch reality TV.”
- “I’m jealous of all the people who haven’t met you.”
- “Your only chance of getting laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s butt and wait.”
- “I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.”
- “You bring everyone so much joy when you leave.”
- “You’re as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
- “If I threw a stick, would you leave?”
- “You’re impossible to underestimate.”
- “You’re proof that even evolution can go in reverse.”
- “I’d challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you’re unarmed.”
- “You have something on your chin… no, the third one down.”
- “Your secrets are safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.”
- “You’re like a software update—annoying, and nobody wants you.”
- “You’re not ugly; you’re just easy to overlook.”
- “I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
- “I envy people who haven’t met you.”
- “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, the day improves.”
- “I would ask how old you are, but I know you can’t count that high.”
- “You have delusions of adequacy.”
- “You’re about as useful as a knitted condom.”
- “If I wanted to hear from an idiot, I’d call you.”
- “I’m jealous of people who haven’t met you.”
- “You’re like a square peg in a round hole—out of place.”
- “You’re not stupid, but you act like it to fit in.”
- “If laughter is the best medicine, your face must cure the world.”
- “I bet your brain feels as good as new since you never use it.”
- “You have the personality of a wet mop.”
- “I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.”
- “Your face makes onions cry.”
- “I would agree with you, but then we’d both be idiots.”
- “You’re the human version of a participation trophy.”
- “You’re like a slinky: not good for much, but fun to push down the stairs.”
- “You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.”
- “You bring everyone so much joy when you shut up.”
- “Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.”
- “You have the perfect face… for radio.”
- “I’m jealous of all the people who haven’t met you.”
- “I could eat alphabet soup and come up with a better conversation.”
- “You’re like a candle in the wind: utterly useless in a storm.”
- “You’re as bright as a black hole and twice as dense.”
- “You’re the reason shampoo bottles have instructions.”
- “You’re not stupid, you’re just an overachiever at being an idiot.”
- “I’d call you a tool, but that’s an insult to useful tools.”
- “If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.”
- “Your family tree must be a cactus because everyone in it is a prick.”
- “You’re like a penny—two-faced and not worth much.”
- “You bring everyone so much joy—when you leave.”
- “You’re as useless as the ‘g’ in lasagna.”
- “You’re the reason people don’t trust others with their secrets.”
- “You remind me of a software bug—annoying and hard to fix.”
- “You’re like a broken pencil: pointless.”
- “You’re the human version of a traffic jam.”
- “You’re the kind of person who claps when the plane lands.”
Savage roasts for friends
- “You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
- “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
- “I’m not saying you’re stupid, but you’ve got bad luck thinking.”
- “You have something on your chin… no, the third one down.”
- “If you were any more inbred, you’d be a sandwich.”
- “You’re proof that even evolution can go in reverse.”
- “You’re like a software update—annoying and unnecessary.”
- “I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.”
- “I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.”
- “You’re as sharp as a marble.”
- “You’re like a slinky: not really good for much, but it’s fun to push you down the stairs.”
- “You have the personality of a damp sponge.”
- “You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.”
- “Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen.”
- “You have delusions of adequacy.”
- “I’m jealous of people who haven’t met you.”
- “You’re like a square peg in a round hole—useless and awkward.”
- “You’re like a cloud of mosquitoes: unwanted and annoying.”
- “If laughter is the best medicine, your face must cure the world.”
- “You bring everyone so much joy when you shut up.”
- “You’re like a candle in the wind—easily blown out.”
- “You’re the human equivalent of a participation trophy.”
- “Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.”
- “You’re as useless as the ‘g’ in lasagna.”
- “You have the perfect face… for radio.”
- “You’re the reason they put instructions on shampoo bottles.”
- “If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.”
- “You’re like a penny—two-faced and worthless.”
- “You’re the kind of friend who’d trip me to win a race.”
- “You’re like a broken pencil: pointless.”
- “You’re the human version of a headache.”
- “You look like something I’d draw with my left hand.”
- “You remind me of a traffic jam: annoying and everywhere.”
- “You’re like a slinky: you have no real purpose, but it’s fun watching you fall.”
- “You’re like a participation award—everyone gets one, but nobody wants it.”
- “You’re as bright as a black hole and twice as dense.”
- “If I wanted a long story with no point, I’d talk to you.”
- “Your brain is like a browser with 100 tabs open… and 99 of them are frozen.”
- “You bring so much joy—whenever you stop talking.”
- “You’re like a Monday: nobody likes you, but we’re stuck with you.”
- “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
- “You’re like a fire alarm—always going off at the worst time.”
- “If you were any more basic, you’d be a password.”
- “You’re the reason aliens won’t visit Earth.”
- “You have the IQ of a salad.”
- “I could agree with you, but then we’d both be idiots.”
- “Your face makes onions cry.”
- “I envy people who haven’t met you.”
- “You’re like a speed bump—irritating and in the way.”
- “If stupidity was a sport, you’d have a gold medal.”
Clean savage roasts
- “You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
- “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
- “I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.”
- “You’re like a Monday. Nobody likes you, but we’re stuck with you.”
- “You have something on your chin… no, the third one down.”
- “I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.”
- “You bring everyone so much joy when you stop talking.”
- “You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.”
- “I’m jealous of all the people who haven’t met you.”
- “You’re proof that even evolution can go in reverse.”
- “You’re like a software update—annoying, and nobody wants you.”
- “You have the perfect face… for radio.”
- “Your secrets are safe with me. I never even listen.”
- “If I threw a stick, you’d leave, right?”
- “You’re like a participation trophy: not really worth much.”
- “You’re like a fire drill: always loud and disruptive.”
- “I thought of you today, and it reminded me to take out the trash.”
- “If laughter is the best medicine, your face must cure the world.”
- “You’re as sharp as a marble.”
- “You have the personality of a soggy toast.”
- “You’re like a slinky: not good for much, but fun to push down the stairs.”
- “You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
- “I envy people who haven’t met you.”
- “You’re like a cloud of mosquitoes: unwanted and annoying.”
- “You bring so much joy, whenever you stop talking.”
- “You’re like a software bug: irritating, but fixable.”
- “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
- “You’re like a speed bump—irritating and unnecessary.”
- “You remind me of a math problem: too complex and pointless.”
- “You’re the human version of a participation trophy.”
- “If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.”
- “You’re as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
- “You’re like a Monday—nobody likes you, but we can’t avoid you.”
- “You’re like a flashlight with no batteries: useless when needed.”
- “You’re about as useful as a chocolate teapot.”
- “You’re like a broken pencil: completely pointless.”
- “You have the charisma of a wet mop.”
- “Your personality is like a flat soda—boring and lifeless.”
- “If you were any more average, you’d be invisible.”
- “You’re like a traffic jam: frustrating and everywhere I don’t want you to be.”
- “You’re like a square peg in a round hole—always out of place.”
- “You’re like a black hole—everything disappears when you’re around.”
- “If I wanted to hear from an idiot, I’d turn on reality TV.”
- “You’re like a fire alarm: always going off at the worst times.”
- “You’re like a song that nobody wants on their playlist.”
- “If I had a dollar for every smart thing you said, I’d be broke.”
- “You remind me of a parking ticket: unnecessary and annoying.”
- “You’re like a stop sign—always in the way.”
- “You’re like the first slice of bread: everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.”
- “You’re like a bicycle with no wheels—pointless.”
- “If common sense were an Olympic sport, you’d still be watching from the stands.”
- “You’re like Wi-Fi at a crowded coffee shop—slow and irritating.”
- “You’re like a power outage—sudden and inconvenient.”
- “You have the energy of a dead battery.”
- “You’re like a bag of chips—lots of air, not much substance.”
- “You’re like a pop quiz—nobody asked for you, and nobody’s happy about it.”
- “You’re like a phone without signal—always disconnected.”
- “You’re like an expired coupon—useless when it counts.”
- “You’re like a donut—hollow in the middle.”
- “You’re like a vacation I didn’t plan—unwanted and stressful.”
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